It's inevitable. It's the law of gravity: what comes up must come down. It never fails. I'm having a great string of days and then all the sudden - BAM! - a low comes out of left field. I've really been doing well lately and I've been on a nice high. Unfortunately today I got slammed back down. I have no idea what triggered this, or why. I just woke up blah and the day continued to be blah. I had to run to best buy for a DVD and as I was walking out I was hit with this huge wall of emotion and started bawling. Kind of embarassing, but I think I made it to my car before I was noticed by too many. It's crazy how things come at you from out of nowhere when you're on this road. I'm just tired. I'm tired of waiting for my doctor results. I'm tired of analyzing junk in my underwear for fertility signs. I'm tired of wondering if every tingling of my boobs means something. I can't even imagine what those who have been on this road longer than me feel like if I'm this exhausted after 2 years. And I hope and pray I don't have to experience this longer to truly know. But in my gut I really feel I will. Morbid thoughts maybe, but I felt these at the beginning of this whole trying thing, and I was right.
Sunny - thanks for your video post today. It was just what I needed. A good song to cry to and let it all out. I really did feel a little better after I cried and was able to go to church tonight relatively non-pissed at the world. Maybe this is all just pms. Who knows. But, today was worthy of breaking rules and I did break into my bottle of Cabernet Franc from the weekend. And....tomorrow's Thursday. And I fully intend to embibe tomorrow - cause that's what makes Thursdays rock. Nothing too crazy...but it is necessary and called for.
Off to bed.....thankfully tomorrow is a brand new day and a chance to be feeling good again. No need to comment anything about poor debby here - I know I'm being just self pitying so no need to enable me with anything. Just needed to vent.
4 comments:
Miss you.
Oh I so know how you feel. It is crazy how it hits you for no stupid reason. You find yourself crying in the car, the bathroom, the shower, in bed, behind sunglasses... Yep I wish I could say these days stop after being on the road a long time. But NOPE. Left field is the way they come. Because you become so used to your life and the nots in them and BAM you are hit with the reality of it all.
No pity here unless it is for myself. I am glad the song did the trick. It was seriously something I stumbled on yesterday afternoon after my shitty day!
I love you and want to make it all better. And I know that doesn't really help... but I wish it did.
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